Always

Let me introduce myself, my name is Always;
I like to think I’m a girl’s best friend…
I fit into your purse by folding myself small-ways;
I know I’m just the means to an end!

oh the end is clean, the end is out of sight.
the end still smells fresh at the end of the night….

So lay me down in your panties;
I’ll protect you from the auntie
when she comes to visit again,
and she does….

yes the auntie comes to town
like the house guest from hell:
she makes you grumpy, makes you mean,
you know she’s got you under her spell….
but quit your bitchin’, quit your whining,
all you need is a nice thin lining!
And this is where I come in….

Here, take my coat: I’ll show you what I’m made of:
unpeel my wrappings, and I’ll stick to you like it’s true love…..

so if you please, I know what you need:
it’s someone to soak up your secrets,
and discretion is my middle name!

Well let me introduce myself, my name is Always,
I think that you and I could be pals.
It’s not that I insist upon doing things my way,
but I’ve got something to tell you gals:
That little slut tampax
is so male-identified:
she’s long and she’s hard,
and she likes to stick herself inside!

But I’m not jealous, I’m just jaded,
because penetration’s overrated.
And besides, I know it’s not nice to talk behind another girl’s back….

Oh sure, I heard you talking behind MY back when I came in here, saying how this isn’t my natural colour. Well sure, I’ve bleached my fibers whiter than a peroxide blonde, but what’s it to you?  I believe white and clean is the surest way to hygiene.Oh yeah, you can buy my inferior relatives, lurking on the dusty shelves of health food stores in their recycled, dioxine free, 100% recycled packaging…. or worse yet, you could try one of those re-useable jobbies those hippy feminists will try to sell you, convincing you to go back to the ways of your fore-mothers, rinsing your own blood and then watering the plants with it — but think about it: how do these politically correct methods compare to ripping into a nice plump plastic package of pre-wrapped, 100 % disposable, top of the line feminine protection — I mean isn’t that what the twentieth century is all about?  It’s about me, me, me! ME!!! The empress of menstrual madness…..I’ll serve and protect you better than that damn chief of police any day, because I’ve got WINGS!  I can fly!!

Well let me introduce myself, my name is Always,
I’ll be here for you through thick and thin.
I’m ready to accommodate, on heavy or light days,
no matter what shape you’re in…

I used to be plump, some might say overweight
but now that I’ve slimmed down, I’m ULTRA! And I feel great!
So in conclusion, I’m the solution because my name is Always,
and since I came along, being a woman just got better!

 

evalyn parry   all rights reserved    SOCAN 2001
This song appears on evalyn’s album “Unreasonable” and also on the DVD “Live at Lula “