My Swedish roommates

My tribute to everyone’s favorite DIY, Scandanavian furniture empire… hear it on Small Theatres,

Ivar and Sten, Ivar and Sten:
I feel like I’m living with big Swedish men
in my bedroom and bathroom and kitchen and den:
my burly companions, Ivar and Sten.

Klinga and Omar, Duktig and Benn,
My home is so organized since they moved in,
and I never get lonely because I’ve got them,
they’re quiet and stable, old Duktig and Benn.

Maybe you’ve had a roommate that make your life rough,
who doesn’t pay phone bills or messes your stuff,
or plays heavy metal and parades in the buff,
who finally drives you to say, “that’s enough!”

What you need is a Billy, a Joel or a Snigg,
A responsible roomie who isn’t a pig,
a Blista, a Klinte, a Kimbo, a Vink,
who don’t dirty dishes or block up the sink.

There’s a place you can get them, wherever you are,
whatever your standards, they’ll raise the bar:
all you need is some cash, some muscles, a car
(since getting there’s always a little bit far).

The fellows you’ll find there are all pretty tame,
“common sense” is their motto and though they are plain,
and all of them look kind of the same,
you have to admit, they have marvellous names!

Antonius, Fennomen, Skrissel and Gotte,
Angby and Grillby and Bonde and Sot,
Narvik and Almivik, Timra and Smolt,
Agam and Anton and Bertby and Boalt.

Abo and Eneby, Oslo and Chadde:
they are the best room mates that I’ve ever had!
They don’t tie up the phone lines, or mess up the pad,
they just stand where I set them, my Oslo and Chadde.

Well, sure they’ve got problems, just like me and you,
on rare occasions, they’re missing a screw.
So you go back to the store, and then what you do
is wait in a line for an hour or two.

Well, alright, so it’s not just ONE line up: first you have to fill in a form, then line up to order the missing screw, and then you wait in line to pick up the screw and then you wait in another line to pay for it, and THEN you have to try and find your car in the parking lot the size of 7 football fields….but that’s the system that keeps the prices so low, don’tcha know? And anyway, let’s face it, what would you rather spend your time doing: combing the classifieds, hoping to find that perfect roommate, or eating Swedish meatballs while you pick out your new friends from a catalogue?

Jutis and Slugis and Sacha and Pax,
Sure with regular roommates, you don’t pay a tax
But these roommate come with instructional facts,
and if you don’t like them, you just take them back!

© evalyn parry (SOCAN) 2007 , all rights reserved